Why Listening to Understand is a Cornerstone of Leadership and Diplomacy with Lori Adams-Brown

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Hello and welcome to another episode of a

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World of Difference, the podcast where we

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explore diverse perspectives that shape

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our world and the actions we can take to

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make it a better place together. I'm your

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host, Lori Adams Brown, coming to you from

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Los Angeles, California today, where I

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tagged along with my husband who's

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presenting at a conference here this

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weekend. And I'm reminded of the fact that

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as I'm downtown here in LA and looking at

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these skyscrapers behind me from my high

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rose hotel, not far from where I'm going

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to be staying very soon when I come to

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podcast movement evolutions that I could

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potentially run into some of you listeners

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there, and actually a couple of listeners

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have already reached out to me who live in

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the LA area, and we're going to have

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coffee during the conference. But I know

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that other ones of you are going to be

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showing up there both as listeners and

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podcasters yourself, and would love to

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connect with you. So I'm going to be doing

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a presentation on five ways to grow your

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podcast globally and would love for you to

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show up to my presentation. But if you're

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presenting at the same time and can't be

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there, or you're going to another

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presentation, maybe just message me on the

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app and we can sit together during the

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keynote while we listen to Amy Poehler

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speak. It's going to be so much fun. So

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for those of you listening around the

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world today, wherever you're listening, I

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know that many of you are doing just such

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incredible work. And today we're going to

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unpack a very important aspect of what it

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means to have influence on others, what it

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means to be a change maker. And one of the

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key components I speak about globally as I

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go around conducting leadership summits.

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The same thing that I've been training on

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recently. When I was training in Taipei

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recently in the UK, not long ago, here in

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the Silicon Valley, and other places where

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I've trained here in the US. One of the

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things I love to train on, because it's

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been so helpful for me, is this area of

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communication skills about listening to

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understand. So what I'm talking about is

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that we're diving in today to a topic

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that's both simple and profound. The power

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of listening. But not just any listening.

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Listening to understand is something we

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all do. We listen. At least we think we

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do. But today we might find some

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surprising things. If you're anything like

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me, when we learned that, we thought we

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were a good listener, which is me full

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confession. Until I realized that actually

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there's some parts of listening that I

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wasn't doing very well. So now I'm

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practicing them myself. But I want to ask

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you this question. How often do we truly

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listen with the intention to understand

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rather than what we all often do? Or at

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least a lot of us extroverts out there in

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the world, is listening for how we will

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respond as we're listening, or we don't

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often wait for our turn to speak. It

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happens a lot, doesn't it? And in our

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world, we're bombarded with information,

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opinions, distractions. Listening seems to

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have really taken a backseat. But what if

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I told you that listening to understand is

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not just a kind and nice thing to do,

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which I hope that you are a kind person,

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an empathetic person, and as a leader,

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that you're listening with empathy to the

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things that you're hearing all around the

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world, many of which is heartbreaking,

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traumatic, exhausting. We hear a lot of

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things from people, but what I hope is

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that as you listen, you learn that it's

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not just a kindness, but it's actually a

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superpower for you as a leader, as someone

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with influence. And when I say leader, I

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do mean someone with influence, whether

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you have direct reports or not, for

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someone who's forging a path anywhere in

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the world to do something different, to

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make change, many of you are such

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influencers wherever you are, and you have

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the potential to transform your

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relationships with what we're going to

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talk about today. Listening to understand,

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it actually helps with our communities and

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how we interact with them and even our

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world at large. So as somebody who has

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traversed the globe both as an expat and

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for work, but also as a child growing up

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in various cultures, I've really come to

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appreciate the value and the hard work of

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listening to understand. So I've learned

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to speak six languages because of my time

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growing up abroad and then living and

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working in multiple countries, and I

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didn't learn any of those without

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listening to understand. But it's not just

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key in language learning, it's key in

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leadership development, too. So it's a

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skill that requires us to go beyond simply

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just hearing words, but listening for

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facts, feelings, and values. I'm going to

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say that again because a lot of us don't

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know that when we listen to understand,

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we're listening for facts, feelings and

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values. If you're anything like me, that

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was news to me when I first heard it. All

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of us have a dominant style, so you are

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going to fall in a comfort zone in one of

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those three areas. Think about what you've

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just heard me say thus far, does it fall

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in the category of facts or feelings or

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values? Values are those concepts that

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guide our lives. Why someone made that

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career move, why someone moved from

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Indonesia to Singapore, it's hard to

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listen for all three of those. But also

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we're not going to ask you to do that all

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at once because it does require a great

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deal of skill to do that. And we're going

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to kind of take it in chunks. Like all of

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my language coaches have taught me, use

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what you know every day and then add plus

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one. So today I hope you add plus one and

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by the end of a month you have plus 30.

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We're going to take it a little bit at a

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time. So when we think about listening to

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understand, it really means paying

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attention and our world filled with

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distractions. That's hard to do because

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not only do we have a lot of distractions,

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like today when I walked here, downtown

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LA, where there's, I think, a big game

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going on, there's digital signs that are

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changing. There's smells of all this

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delicious cuisine here in downtown LA,

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there's music coming from the Grammy

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museum. There's just so much stimuli. And

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in order to survive, we have to filter

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that information because we have thousands

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of stimuli coming at us every day. But our

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brains are these story making machines and

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so we have filters that are as unique as

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our fingerprint. And even though I have

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twins that I'm raising, they were born six

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minutes apart, same family, same

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countries, same languages. They've been

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exposed to cultures. They have very

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different filters because of their

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personalities, their own experiences, of

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their own lived experience, right? So

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that's good and normal, but it means that

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we can create bias because of our filters.

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So we have to check our assumptions when

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we're listening to understand because we

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may assume someone is just like us and

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they're not. Everybody's unique. And

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that's the beauty of our podcast here,

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isn't it? We're all different and we're

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bringing our differences around the table

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because guess what? When we hear each

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other and truly listen to understand, with

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our differences, we make better decisions,

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we make greater impact on all the things

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we're trying to make better in the world.

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So I'm giving you this skill today because

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I know as people who are making these

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changes and working so hard to forge new

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paths, this is a skill that's a superpower

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that's going to help you. When we listen

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to understand, it means empathizing, it

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means suspending judgment. And suspending

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judgment, man, that's a hard one because

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we don't have good models for it in our

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society. In fact, we have some pretty bad

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ones. Suspending judgment requires us to.

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When we listen to a person talk about the

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way they live this human life, that's very

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different than the way we live it. It

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means that we don't judge them, that we

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push those judgment thoughts and feelings

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aside to truly understand what they're

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trying to tell us. And when we do that, we

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get the opportunity to evaluate our own

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values, and maybe we stick with them.

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Maybe we realize our values are still

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better. Or maybe there's something very

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nuanced about our values that we start to

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realize, oh, that different way of living

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this human life could actually be

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something I would consider, or it's

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something better. Or maybe we just listen

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and we think, you know what? That's a

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terrible way to live. But I understand it

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and I appreciate that person, and this

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helps me know who they are. Either way,

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listening to understand when it comes to

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the skill of suspending judgment is so

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hard. It's something I'm still working on,

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but I truly believe that when we do that,

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it makes us better people because we have

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deeper relationships in work and outside

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of work. So I'm working on it myself. It

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also means asking clarifying questions.

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Now, some of us were trained to do that

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growing up. Some of us weren't. Doesn't

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really matter. But when we don't

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understand what someone's saying, it's

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okay to ask a clarifying question. So we

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do understand. Some of us were trained to

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not interrupt other ones weren't, but to

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let the person finish. But it's still okay

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to ask a clarifying question to make sure

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we understand what they're saying. Because

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we're there to understand. We want to know

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what they're conveying to us, those facts,

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those feelings, those values. It means

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being like a mirror, mirroring back,

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reflecting back what we've heard them say.

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It means asking powerful questions to

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deepen the conversation. Questions that

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start with how or why, so we can know what

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it is they're talking about. Now, why is

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this so important? Why does listening to

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understand matter, especially in a world

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where it seems like everybody's just

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waiting for their turn to speak? Okay, I'm

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just going to share a little bit of a

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personal narrative with you, because

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growing up as an expat kid, I often found

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myself in situations where I didn't speak

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the language fluently in the homes of my

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friends. Because my international school

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had friends from all over the world and

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teachers from all over the world. But even

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when words failed me, I discovered that

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listening really transcends language

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barriers. So truly listening to the

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nuances of tone and body language and

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context, I was able to really connect with

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people on a deeper level than I ever

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thought possible as a child. And I've

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brought that into my expat experience in

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global leadership development and as I

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travel around the world and I'm exposed to

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different languages. But what I also

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learned is that Dr. Albert McRapian did

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this seminal study back in the 70s on

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communication, and he learned that only 7%

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of how we communicate is through words. A

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shocking 7%. That's very low. So if you're

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listening to this podcast in audio form

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and not watching the YouTube video, then

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you're missing out on the what is 55% of

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how we communicate, which is body

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language? Body language is more than half

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of how we communicate, but also there's

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about 33% that is that tone of voice and

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the inflections in our voice, which, if

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you're listening to this on audio

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podcasts, which most people are, then

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you're getting the inflection, the tone of

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voice. So, for example, if I said, I'm

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super sad today, the tone doesn't really

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match the words, does it? Or if I say, I'm

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so happy, the tone doesn't match. Right?

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So tone really matters. The inflection

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matters, but a whole 55% is body language.

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So, in person interactions really do give

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us a deeper communication on a certain

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level, or at least being able to watch

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something in a virtual call when someone

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speaks. But it just means we have to work

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a little bit harder when all we're getting

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are the words on a text or the words and

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the tone of an inflection on an audio

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call. But the in person just requires or

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allows us to have that deeper experience.

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And it's just we communicate in so many

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ways today. Listening to understand can

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involve asking clarifying questions. Even

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if there's a text, you could say, hey, is

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this what you meant? We can still use

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those skills. But as I've navigated the

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complexities of transitioning from my

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childhood growing up as an expat kid into

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my adulthood and life abroad, and now 20

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years experience of leading globally and

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different global teens of different

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backgrounds and cultures and languages,

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both professionally and personally, I've

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come to realize the power of listening

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really extends far, far beyond individual

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interactions. It's a cornerstone of

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effective leadership and diplomacy.

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Because of the work that I did with

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governments in Indonesia, with a nonprofit

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I was working with. With an NGO, I still

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was in my role interacting with different

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government leaders. And listening to

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understand was key there, especially in a

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different culture where body language was

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different. I worked under sharia law in a

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province in Ace and Sumatra where eye

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contact between men and women was very not

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expected and not even really safe for me

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on the street. And regular interactions in

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the marketplace, for example. And then in

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conversations with government leaders, it

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would be important to sort of nod or be

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aware of my body posture in terms of, was

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I taller than someone else? So kind know.

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The levels and all of that in Asia were

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very different in how we used our body

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language. Nodding or bowing is very

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prominent in east asian cultures. And so

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body language was really key. And learning

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the different nuances of that. Even when I

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worked as a liaison with the UN after the

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tsunami in Indonesia, because I was

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working with this grassroots indonesian

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nonprofit at the time, and was one of the

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only expats who'd been living in Ache

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province before the tsunami happened,

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because I was there working during the

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civil war period. And so when the UN came

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in to coordinate some of the relief

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efforts, I was a liaison with them to kind

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of help them understand some of the local

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perspective as sort of a bridge in between

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the cultures. But even in that, there's

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many cultures in the UN that are

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represented, all these different NGOs

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coming in with so many different styles of

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leadership. So paying attention to the

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body language, the tone, the inflection,

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all of that was very nuanced and a part of

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the communication of truly listening to

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understand. And so it's effective in our

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leadership and our diplomacy and in our

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social change that we're a part of here in

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this podcast community. When we listen to

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understand, we really create space for

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empathy, for collaboration, and for growth

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together. But let's be honest. Listening

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to understand isn't always easy. It

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requires patience. It requires humility, a

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willingness to set aside our own agenda in

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service of someone else's narrative, their

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story that we can hold and really dig into

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with them. It's a skill that requires

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constant practice and refinement. And I'll

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be the first to admit that I am still a

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work in progress. But imagine if our world

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leaders, our policymakers, and imagine our

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influencers embracing the superpower of

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listening to understand. Imagine if what's

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going on in the Middle east right now in

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Israel and Gaza, people were listening to

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understand. Imagine in the Ukraine Russia

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situation, if there was listening to

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understand. Imagine. Instead of shouting

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over each other, they took time to truly

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hear and acknowledge the perspectives, the

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values, the feelings, the facts of others.

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Imagine the transformative impact it could

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have on issues like global conflicts like

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social justice and climate change and so

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many other issues, toxic workplace

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environments, all of it. So I pose this

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question to you, dear listener. Around the

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world, wherever you are, do you agree? Do

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you believe that listening to understand

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is a superpower worth cultivating? Whether

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you're in Africa, listening whether you're

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in South Africa, Nigeria, whether you're

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in North Africa, whether you're in Europe,

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00:14:55,034 --> 00:14:57,558
in Belgium listening whether you're in

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Southeast Asia, Indonesia, or in Taiwan,

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where I just recently got back from. Shout

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out to everybody in Taiwan. You were so

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hospitable to me. I had the greatest time.

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Wherever you're listening today, whether

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you're here in California, where I'm at,

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00:15:11,022 --> 00:15:13,422
or somewhere all across our beautiful

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00:15:13,422 --> 00:15:15,070
world, do you believe that listening to

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00:15:15,070 --> 00:15:17,294
understand is a superpower that's worth

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00:15:17,294 --> 00:15:20,242
cultivating? And if so, how can we do our

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00:15:20,242 --> 00:15:21,826
part to harness that power to make the

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world a better place? Because, you know, I

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believe a diversity of brains around the

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00:15:26,430 --> 00:15:28,866
table is how we're going to help solve the

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00:15:28,866 --> 00:15:31,106
biggest problems of our world today by

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listening to each other's perspectives. It

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matters. These skills are hard, but I know

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that you're up for it because you are the

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kind of people listening to this podcast

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that want to make our world a better

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place. So I know you're up for this hard

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work, but you don't have to do it all at

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once. I hope you took away a call to

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00:15:48,354 --> 00:15:50,206
action from something I said today that

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00:15:50,206 --> 00:15:52,958
can add as your plus one. Write it down so

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00:15:52,958 --> 00:15:54,894
you won't forget it. Tell someone else

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00:15:54,894 --> 00:15:57,086
about it. Message me on social media, tell

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00:15:57,086 --> 00:15:59,290
me what your call to action was from this

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00:15:59,290 --> 00:16:01,342
podcast, and I would love to hear about

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00:16:01,342 --> 00:16:03,006
it. Because when we write it down and we

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00:16:03,006 --> 00:16:04,846
tell someone else, we're more likely to do

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00:16:04,846 --> 00:16:06,926
it. And I just think you're worth

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00:16:06,926 --> 00:16:09,646
investing in yourself as a leader, as an

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00:16:09,646 --> 00:16:11,470
influencer, as somebody who's forging new

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00:16:11,470 --> 00:16:13,426
paths, making our world a better place.

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When you invest in yourself and learning

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00:16:15,458 --> 00:16:17,186
how to listen, to understand better,

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00:16:17,186 --> 00:16:19,126
you're investing in so many others because

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00:16:19,126 --> 00:16:21,702
your influence is so big. And even if it's

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00:16:21,702 --> 00:16:24,962
with one person, it's huge. Because

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00:16:24,962 --> 00:16:27,686
changing one person's life by listening to

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00:16:27,686 --> 00:16:29,746
understand their story, empathizing with

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00:16:29,746 --> 00:16:31,926
them, suspending judgment, asking

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00:16:31,926 --> 00:16:33,514
clarifying questions, reflecting back what

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00:16:33,514 --> 00:16:35,706
they said like a mirror, summarizing what

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00:16:35,706 --> 00:16:37,946
they said, asking powerful questions in a

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00:16:37,946 --> 00:16:40,058
way that really lets them explain the why

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00:16:40,058 --> 00:16:41,754
and the how of what they're talking about.

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All of these parts of the superpower that

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00:16:43,698 --> 00:16:46,286
you're learning to use are going to bring

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00:16:46,286 --> 00:16:48,494
so much good change in the world. And we

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00:16:48,494 --> 00:16:50,446
need people bringing good change. So thank

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00:16:50,446 --> 00:16:53,246
you for being a part of it. That's all the

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00:16:53,246 --> 00:16:55,662
time we have for today. Global listeners

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00:16:55,662 --> 00:16:57,326
making a difference everywhere. Thank you

447
00:16:57,326 --> 00:16:59,114
for joining me on this journey of

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00:16:59,114 --> 00:17:01,070
exploration and discovery. And until next

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00:17:01,070 --> 00:17:04,266
time, remember to listen with intention,

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00:17:04,266 --> 00:17:06,086
empathy, and an open mind and open heart.

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00:17:06,086 --> 00:17:08,114
Because in the end, it's our ability to

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00:17:08,114 --> 00:17:10,246
truly listen, to understand one another

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00:17:10,246 --> 00:17:12,086
that will make a difference in the world

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and make our world a better place. Keep