A podcast for those who are different and want to make a difference.
Feb. 7, 2024

Predator Pastors and Darvo Tactics: Seeing Through the Fog of Gaslighting with Lori Adams-Brown

Predator Pastors and Darvo Tactics: Seeing Through the Fog of Gaslighting with Lori Adams-Brown

Uncover the shocking truth behind a pastor's arrest and the toxic systems in faith communities. Join me as we delve into a Twitter thread that reveals the dark underbelly of abuse, manipulation, and cover-ups within religious institutions. You won't believe the tactics used to protect the abuser and silence the whistleblowers. This eye-opening discussion will leave you with a newfound understanding of the challenges survivors face and the importance of dismantling toxic systems. Stay tuned to unravel the unexpected truths and be part of a community where your voice matters.

In this episode, you will be able to:

  • Recognize signs of abusive pastors within faith communities to protect vulnerable members.
  • Uncover tactics used to silence victims and empower them to speak out.
  • Center survivors and support whistleblowers to create a culture of trust and accountability.
  • Identify patterns and toxic systems in faith communities to foster healing and change.
  • Learn how to create safe spaces for victims within faith communities to promote healing and restoration.
"It's heavy. It's a lot to take in. And if you're in a faith environment right now, listening to this, where things seem not right, things seem like there's a lot of red flags. You're not sure how to process it. Maybe a pastor has been accused of abuse or even arrested for crimes, and you're hearing these narratives. I just want to say, I'm sad with you that that's happening, and I hope you get to a place of safety." -Lori Adams-Brown



Uncovering tactics used to silence victims is a critical part of creating safer faith communities. These strategies may include deflecting blame onto whistleblowers, encouraging unification around the abuser, and invoking notions of spiritual warfare to foster loyalty. Awareness of these tactics can encourage conversations about abuse and discourage the protection of abusers.

The resources mentioned in this episode are:

  • Join the Difference Maker community on Patreon at www.patreon.com/aWorldofDifference to access deeper episodes and discussions with guests.
  • If you need to talk to a professional, consider signing up for therapy with Betterhelp at www.betterhelp.com/difference for 10% off your first month.
  • Take a deep breath, look around the room, and notice five things that you see to use grounding techniques for processing heavy emotions.
  • The Twitter/X thread where Lori lists the common statements she hears from churches with "predapastors" who have abuse allegations and even at times crimes: https://x.com/loriadbr/status/1753526994979934418?s=20


"Centering survivors should be number one. But I just almost never hear it in these cases." - Lori Adams-Brown


Recognizing signs of abusive pastors can be challenging due to their position of authority. However, patterns often emerge including the protection of the pastor over the well-being of the congregation. This emphasis on shielding the pastor can lead to harmful practices like silencing victims, minimizing the severity of the abuse, and even blaming those who speak out.


Survivors of abuse should be treated with respect and care. Instead of centering the narrative around the abuser in times of crisis, communities should prioritize listening to and supporting survivors. Creating a culture that truly supports survivors can help dismantle toxic systems and create an environment in which truth and transparency prevail.

"I hope you get to a place of safety. I hope you get to a place where your voice matters. And I hope you can find the freedom and the love that you deserve to thrive with your spirituality in a place where it's safe to be you and to speak the truth out loud."-Lori Adams-Brown

The key moments in this episode are:

00:00:02 - Introduction to World of Difference Podcast


00:01:40 - Processing News of Pastor Arrest


00:03:52 - Grooming and Gaslighting in Faith Communities


00:07:14 - Patterns of Abusive Leadership


00:13:57 - Distracting from Abuse with Grandiosity


00:14:46 - Downplaying Abuse and Crime


00:15:30 - Unifying Around the Abuser


00:16:41 - Spiritual Warfare and Manipulation


00:18:07 - Silencing and Control


00:19:55 - Finding Safety and Support


Timestamped summary of this episode:

00:00:02 - Introduction to World of Difference Podcast

Lori Adams-Brown introduces the podcast as a platform for those who are different and want to make a difference, sponsored by Betterhelp for therapy and personal growth.


00:01:40 - Processing News of Pastor Arrest

Lori shares her personal experience of processing the news of a pastor's arrest on 35 counts of sexual assault and how it resonated with many listeners on Twitter.


00:03:52 - Grooming and Gaslighting in Faith Communities

Lori discusses how faith communities often groom their members to protect abusive leaders, focusing on the abuser rather than the victims, and using psychological tactics like gaslighting.


00:07:14 - Patterns of Abusive Leadership

The conversation delves into the common patterns of abusive leadership in faith communities, including the use of coercion, betrayal blindness, and centering the abusive leader while disregarding the victims.


00:13:57 - Distracting from Abuse with Grandiosity

Lori highlights the tactic of using grandiosity, such as claiming "God has big plans for the pastor," to distract from the abuse and crimes, and redirect focus to the size and success of the ministry.


00:14:46 - Downplaying Abuse and Crime

The conversation starts with a discussion on the tactic of downplaying sexual abuse as merely a sin, minimizing the severity of the abuse and crime.


00:15:30 - Unifying Around the Abuser

The tactic of using unity language to silence whistleblowers and center the focus around the abuser instead of the victims, creating a cult-like environment.


00:16:41 - Spiritual Warfare and Manipulation

Manipulative tactics of framing the situation as a battle between good and evil, pressuring individuals to support the abuser and silencing conversations about safety within the faith community.


00:18:07 - Silencing and Control

Addressing the tactic of silencing and controlling the narrative within religious environments to maintain image management and prevent conversations about abuse and misconduct.


00:19:55 - Finding Safety and Support

Offering support and empathy to individuals in faith environments where abuse and red flags are present, encouraging them to seek safety and speak the truth.


Follow the podcast at:

 

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Keep making a difference wherever you are!

Lori Adams-Brown, Host & Executive Producer

A World of Difference Podcast

Transcript
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Welcome to the a World of Difference

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podcast. I'm Lori Adams Brown, and this is

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a podcast for those who are different and

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want to make a difference. This podcast is

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sponsored by Betterhelp. If you are a

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person who really wants to understand what

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your strengths are, maybe you're not going

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through anything huge in your life.

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crisis, although it's definitely for that.

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stepping into your own skin figuring out

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who you are what it is you're offering to

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the world around us and how you're making

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the world a better place Betterhelp is

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your first month of therapy That is

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www.betterhelp.com difference to get 10

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off your first month Today today on the

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podcast I'm just going to talk to you

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listeners all around the world Making a

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difference in all in of places in many

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different countries and in many different

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situations today might feel a little bit

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like a true crime podcast.That is not the

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genre of this podcast Although we do

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occasionally address issues that are

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related to ethical moral issues and even

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crimes And especially we've covered

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especially little bit of that in faith

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communities As far as leaders of faith

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communities that have done things that

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would be considered criminal but often

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criminal, addition to that just ethically

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and morally wrong But today I'm going

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today just delve a little bit into a

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Twitter thread a I posted last week that

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many of you found helpful and it resonated

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with many of you.I was on a work trip to a

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flying back through Chicago back to San

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Francisco and just waiting in line to get

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on the plane in Chicago and O'Hare which

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was and long line So I stood there and I

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was processing something that had happened

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This was on Friday but I was processing

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what had happened on Monday which is news

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that I had gotten that a pastor that I a

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known in my childhood had been involved in

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his faith community was arrested on 35

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counts of sexual assault So the Twitter

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thread I don't really mention that part

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and it's still very fresh and not really

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super ready to talk about all of it But if

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you follow me at all on x Twitter you'll

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see that sometimes I'm just sort of

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processing what I'm thinking and trying to

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process that out loud with many of you who

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are trying to make are difference in your

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communities to work for truth and

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transparency.Some of you are also

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whistleblowers of abuse that you've seen

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in your faith community or in a toxic

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workplace environment And so sometimes

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that has felt lonely for me And so I reach

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out through Twitter to those of you who

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are also processing that too as we have

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these discussions And it makes a

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difference for me when I hear a diversity

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of perspectives around this But really

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that was sort of me standing in line for a

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United Airways flight back to San

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Francisco and Chicago and just putting my

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thoughts down as I waited in line.And

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really what I was processing there was I

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had reached out to somebody from that

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congregation that I know I kept in touch

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with over the years and they gave what to

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me really felt like the response of

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somebody who had been probably groomed

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with that faith community for many years

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to stand by the pastor who's committed

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crimes and to basically center him in the

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entire conversation And I was left a voice

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message by this individual who is really

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just probably repeating what they've been

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hearing This is what person who wants to

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do good in the world who do a lot of good

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in the world for the community for that

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particular faith community but for their

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community at large And I think I just kind

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of once again was shocked by the fact that

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this community which had meant so much to

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me in my childhood would also fall to

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these toxic systems that just seem to be

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increasingly pervasive in our world today

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And pervasive I process that out loud I

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mean you'll even see that as I was

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tweeting it I got the numbers off because

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it was not polished.I'm human AI did not

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generate it So this was not something from

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Chat GPT It was literally just verbatim

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the things that were left on that voice

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message for me that I've heard over and

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over and over again both in the church

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where I experienced a lot of this type of

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abusive a not sexual that I experienced or

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that people I know on that staff

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experience but definitely the abuse of

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power the authoritarianism the sort of the

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pastor being like a dictator and really

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preying on particular a and grooming

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individuals to stand by the pastor no

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matter what comes out And the parallels

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and the situations between what I

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experienced and the now what I was hearing

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in this particular faith environment was

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well as what I've heard a lot of you

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express to me through social media and

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those of you who've reached out to me

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after I spoke out in the news when I went

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on the record about my particular

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story.And if you're not familiar with that

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feel free to check out episode 100 which

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is the beginning of the our story series

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where I share my story of what it was like

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to work in a faith environment with an

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abusive pastor who a was predatory in an

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ways by using really lot of these same

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tactics whether it's a sexual abuse or

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it's tactics, psychological or a or

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spiritual or financial a some of these

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tactics they remain the same and the

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patterns are they same as to how people

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are groomed around them to cover it up And

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that betrayal blindness is a really very

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real experience psychologically that we go

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through that I also went through And so

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there is a lot of compassion I have on

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those in this community that will remain

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unnamed for now But community is

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definitely remain pattern that I saw So

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I'm just going to sort of walk through

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some of those eleven things that I heard

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in that voice message which were very

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similar to things I've heard many people

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saying when they're covering up for

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situations like what we see going on at

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IHOP KC the International House of Prayer

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in Kansas City.Right now if you're not

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familiar with that the Heaven Bent podcast

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has been covering also you know different

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reporters like Julie Royce has been

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writing about it But it just seems like if

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you paid attention at all to last week's

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episode with Lance Ford I remember him

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saying in the interview we don't know when

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this releases what the pastor is going to

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experience this whole situation where it

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comes out they've been hiding something

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behind the curtain where they've been

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abusing people It could be curtain, the

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category of crimes or sometimes when it's

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just spiritual abuse it may not be

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criminal although sometimes spiritual is

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depending on the state where you live the

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country where you live and the nature of

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what that abuse was like But definitely

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when it's sexual assault that is a

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criminal act pretty much everywhere right

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So I remember Lance saying we don't know

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when this releases what other pastor is

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going to know caught and we're going

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pastor see people.So basically in light of

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last week's podcast being what it was with

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Lance in light of the news I got Monday

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before that podcast released on Wednesday

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about this particular case of the arrest

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of this pastor that I knew and had really

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great experiences with I mean that's just

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the nature of this right Is that these

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people that I now refer to as Preda

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pastors because predator pastor it was

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becoming such as common phrase that I

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ended up saying about way too many

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situations than anyone should know about

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personally But just the nature of the work

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that I did around the world for so long

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and so many pastors that I've worked with

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the majority by far are not in this

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category But I also know way too many who

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would be considered what I know refer too

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as predator pastors.I just combined the

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word to make it as even though there's

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nothing easy about this But the it thing

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that I just sort of wrote there on Twitter

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was predate pastors groom their

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congregations so when their abuse is

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exposed and pastors they are arrested for

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their crimes the congregation knows

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00:09:12,062 --> 00:09:13,978
exactly what to say to control their

215
00:09:13,978 --> 00:09:16,206
narrative to silence the whistleblowers

216
00:09:16,206 --> 00:09:18,826
and rally behind the abusive pastor And I

217
00:09:18,826 --> 00:09:22,698
listed some things that I hear often and

218
00:09:22,698 --> 00:09:24,366
really what the sort of motive and

219
00:09:24,366 --> 00:09:27,266
ulterior message is behind it And that's

220
00:09:27,266 --> 00:09:30,946
the part that's hard to see because of the

221
00:09:30,946 --> 00:09:32,066
gaslighting because of the grooming the

222
00:09:32,066 --> 00:09:33,666
trauma bonding the love bombing the

223
00:09:33,666 --> 00:09:36,574
ingratiation all the mix of it all It all

224
00:09:36,574 --> 00:09:38,726
sounds good ingratiation, the surface but

225
00:09:38,726 --> 00:09:41,046
when you understand what's behind it it's

226
00:09:41,046 --> 00:09:42,594
a coercion in itself.So the first thing

227
00:09:42,594 --> 00:09:45,014
that I heard in this particular message

228
00:09:45,014 --> 00:09:47,494
from this individual once again who's not

229
00:09:47,494 --> 00:09:49,446
heard horrible person they are a great

230
00:09:49,446 --> 00:09:51,418
person doing great things but they seem to

231
00:09:51,418 --> 00:09:52,986
have been groomed in the system to protect

232
00:09:52,986 --> 00:09:54,618
the abuser the criminal instead of care

233
00:09:54,618 --> 00:09:57,590
for the victims And in that message never

234
00:09:57,590 --> 00:10:00,554
once was any of the victims mentioned and

235
00:10:00,554 --> 00:10:02,390
he was arrested for 34 acts In these

236
00:10:02,390 --> 00:10:04,334
situations often we have reason to believe

237
00:10:04,334 --> 00:10:09,678
there could be many more because many of

238
00:10:09,678 --> 00:10:11,294
them never really come to the surface In

239
00:10:11,294 --> 00:10:12,686
situations like this the first thing that

240
00:10:12,686 --> 00:10:16,734
was said is we are praying for the pastor

241
00:10:16,734 --> 00:10:18,146
No that doesn't seem bad in any way at

242
00:10:18,146 --> 00:10:19,886
all.But when you understand that what's

243
00:10:19,886 --> 00:10:22,594
happening in a case like this it really is

244
00:10:22,594 --> 00:10:24,642
centering the abuser and not the victims

245
00:10:24,642 --> 00:10:27,374
Why wasn't the first thing being said We

246
00:10:27,374 --> 00:10:29,938
are praying for the victims. We're

247
00:10:29,938 --> 00:10:31,366
bringing the meals We have said? meal

248
00:10:31,366 --> 00:10:32,738
train.We're paying for the therapy We're

249
00:10:32,738 --> 00:10:34,930
are letting them decide when with whom and

250
00:10:34,930 --> 00:10:38,902
how and if they even share their story

251
00:10:38,902 --> 00:10:41,914
we're just caring for them That should be

252
00:10:41,914 --> 00:10:43,366
number one Centering survivors should be

253
00:10:43,366 --> 00:10:45,962
number one But I just almost never hear it

254
00:10:45,962 --> 00:10:48,874
in these cases.So we are praying for the

255
00:10:48,874 --> 00:10:51,126
pastor just puts him right there smack in

256
00:10:51,126 --> 00:10:52,266
the middle of the institution protecting

257
00:10:52,266 --> 00:10:54,558
itself which is what happens I mean it's

258
00:10:54,558 --> 00:10:57,246
natural right as humans to do that The

259
00:10:57,246 --> 00:10:59,134
second one was that there are people out

260
00:10:59,134 --> 00:11:01,614
to get him And if you're not familiar with

261
00:11:01,614 --> 00:11:03,918
Darvo this is are Darvo tactic to make

262
00:11:03,918 --> 00:11:06,498
people think oh it's not him that's out to

263
00:11:06,498 --> 00:11:10,210
get people People are out to get him.So

264
00:11:10,210 --> 00:11:12,178
it's reversing the roles Right So Darvo is

265
00:11:12,178 --> 00:11:13,726
really the whole deny deny the abuse is

266
00:11:13,726 --> 00:11:17,106
happening deny anything's wrong accuse or

267
00:11:17,106 --> 00:11:20,118
attack the other person who's usually the

268
00:11:20,118 --> 00:11:22,360
victim survivor or whistleblower all the

269
00:11:22,360 --> 00:11:26,466
above And then they reverse other victim

270
00:11:26,466 --> 00:11:28,806
and offender So this whole there are

271
00:11:28,806 --> 00:11:31,026
people out to get him is a psychological

272
00:11:31,026 --> 00:11:32,858
tactic that is just very commonly used

273
00:11:32,858 --> 00:11:34,570
that people don't even know they're using

274
00:11:34,570 --> 00:11:38,234
it because it's just sort of the ocean

275
00:11:38,234 --> 00:11:39,206
everybody's swimming in in these cultures

276
00:11:39,206 --> 00:11:41,398
to make it where we have a lot of empathy

277
00:11:41,398 --> 00:11:46,254
what we call that empathy in a case where

278
00:11:46,254 --> 00:11:48,206
it's a man who's abusing for the abuser

279
00:11:48,206 --> 00:11:50,254
and to not have any a for the victim a

280
00:11:50,254 --> 00:11:53,150
you're not even mentioning the it's to

281
00:11:53,150 --> 00:11:54,986
make you believe basically he's a victim

282
00:11:54,986 --> 00:11:57,166
instead of the other way around The third

283
00:11:57,166 --> 00:11:59,922
one was the accuser is trying to use this

284
00:11:59,922 --> 00:12:02,466
to build the career Now I hear this a lot

285
00:12:02,466 --> 00:12:03,794
when the accuser either the victim

286
00:12:03,794 --> 00:12:05,414
survivor or the whistleblower and

287
00:12:05,414 --> 00:12:07,014
sometimes that's the same or in other

288
00:12:07,014 --> 00:12:12,774
cases it might be the journalist or on it

289
00:12:12,774 --> 00:12:15,686
or it could be the lawyer in that person

290
00:12:15,686 --> 00:12:18,806
This phrase is what they use The third one

291
00:12:18,806 --> 00:12:22,718
the accuser is trying to use this to build

292
00:12:22,718 --> 00:12:23,834
their career.And it's a very easy sell

293
00:12:23,834 --> 00:12:25,466
when it's toward a woman because of the

294
00:12:25,466 --> 00:12:27,514
sexism the patriarchy that most of our

295
00:12:27,514 --> 00:12:29,526
cultures are swimming in It's toward a

296
00:12:29,526 --> 00:12:32,506
we've heard quite a bit And so it just

297
00:12:32,506 --> 00:12:34,538
matches When you have a narrative you've

298
00:12:34,538 --> 00:12:36,126
been told for heard long time your whole

299
00:12:36,126 --> 00:12:37,198
life potentially and you hear a narrative

300
00:12:37,198 --> 00:12:38,734
a similar It's a no brainer.It just

301
00:12:38,734 --> 00:12:41,038
matches So to think that this in this case

302
00:12:41,038 --> 00:12:43,118
it was the lawyer that they were saying

303
00:12:43,118 --> 00:12:45,886
this about that she's trying to use this,

304
00:12:45,886 --> 00:12:47,266
to build her career discounting the fact

305
00:12:47,266 --> 00:12:48,926
that crimes had actually happened but that

306
00:12:48,926 --> 00:12:50,930
she's was using this to build her lawyer

307
00:12:50,930 --> 00:12:53,954
career, and so making her out to be the

308
00:12:53,954 --> 00:12:56,066
abuser Right Instead of him The next thing

309
00:12:56,066 --> 00:12:59,078
that was said was God has forgiven the to

310
00:12:59,078 --> 00:13:03,014
once again this doesn't sound bad right

311
00:13:03,014 --> 00:13:05,218
It's a wonderful thing to hear but it also

312
00:13:05,218 --> 00:13:08,146
really is implying that you should forgive

313
00:13:08,146 --> 00:13:10,706
forget and then go along with business as

314
00:13:10,706 --> 00:13:14,154
usual like the rest of us So a lot of

315
00:13:14,154 --> 00:13:16,186
grace that's supposed to be poured upon

316
00:13:16,186 --> 00:13:17,338
someone who's committed crimes against

317
00:13:17,338 --> 00:13:19,180
vulnerable people But really this is used

318
00:13:19,180 --> 00:13:22,282
in grace way to imply well what's wrong

319
00:13:22,282 --> 00:13:26,974
with you That you're not forgiving as if

320
00:13:26,974 --> 00:13:28,794
now you're the problem not the one who's

321
00:13:28,794 --> 00:13:29,774
actually committed these crimes.So the

322
00:13:29,774 --> 00:13:32,286
next one that goes sort of along with it

323
00:13:32,286 --> 00:13:35,914
is God has big plans for the pastor Once

324
00:13:35,914 --> 00:13:38,226
again the centering of the Preda pastor in

325
00:13:38,226 --> 00:13:39,554
this scenario to protect the institution

326
00:13:39,554 --> 00:13:41,746
is really key And the pastor. lot of

327
00:13:41,746 --> 00:13:44,386
grandiosity that gets thrown around I in

328
00:13:44,386 --> 00:13:46,754
in the aftermath of the abuse allegations

329
00:13:46,754 --> 00:13:49,974
In the wake of a of that I'll hear a lot

330
00:13:49,974 --> 00:13:51,606
of grandiosity along these lines.God has

331
00:13:51,606 --> 00:13:54,358
big plans for the pastor It's meant to

332
00:13:54,358 --> 00:13:55,494
distract from the abuse and point you

333
00:13:55,494 --> 00:13:58,898
toward It's like a smoke and mirrors But

334
00:13:58,898 --> 00:14:00,770
don't keep looking at the abuse and the

335
00:14:00,770 --> 00:14:03,318
crimes Look over here at all of

336
00:14:03,318 --> 00:14:04,826
the.Sometimes they'll use the word fruit

337
00:14:04,826 --> 00:14:06,938
Get the fruit which often means the butts

338
00:14:06,938 --> 00:14:09,338
and the seats the amount of people the

339
00:14:09,338 --> 00:14:11,406
numbers of people that are being reached

340
00:14:11,406 --> 00:14:14,398
with the methods the size of the ministry

341
00:14:14,398 --> 00:14:16,846
in terms of numbers But if the fruit of

342
00:14:16,846 --> 00:14:20,334
the outcome is abused individuals that's

343
00:14:20,334 --> 00:14:23,826
not something that's being thrown around

344
00:14:23,826 --> 00:14:27,426
We're supposed to sort of ignore that and

345
00:14:27,426 --> 00:14:32,114
focus on these the things in order to help

346
00:14:32,114 --> 00:14:35,538
us sort of look the other way Like maybe

347
00:14:35,538 --> 00:14:38,706
he's done these things but it's a bit of a

348
00:14:38,706 --> 00:14:40,934
in him as a toxic rock star.Like we kind

349
00:14:40,934 --> 00:14:44,086
of need him to keep this going This

350
00:14:44,086 --> 00:14:45,686
institution is founded by him or relies on

351
00:14:45,686 --> 00:14:47,734
him a if they've been leading it for a

352
00:14:47,734 --> 00:14:50,658
while And it kind of gets you to look the

353
00:14:50,658 --> 00:14:52,518
other way who among us hasn't sinned That

354
00:14:52,518 --> 00:14:55,306
was the next one And so it's really

355
00:14:55,306 --> 00:14:56,186
downplaying the abuse and the crime to

356
00:14:56,186 --> 00:15:00,086
refer to sexual assault 35 counts of it as

357
00:15:00,086 --> 00:15:02,858
sin merely sin which it is.But it's not

358
00:15:02,858 --> 00:15:05,866
just that It's also a crime It really is

359
00:15:05,866 --> 00:15:09,680
downplaying and minimizing the abuse And

360
00:15:09,680 --> 00:15:13,818
it's a very strong tactic that works quite

361
00:15:13,818 --> 00:15:15,586
well The next one was we shouldn't judge

362
00:15:15,586 --> 00:15:18,306
another Darvo tactic to make it look like

363
00:15:18,306 --> 00:15:20,802
well you're the one judging so maybe

364
00:15:20,802 --> 00:15:23,486
you're the offender not me.The next one is

365
00:15:23,486 --> 00:15:26,194
we need to be unified And this is really

366
00:15:26,194 --> 00:15:28,306
sort of culty language that I often hear I

367
00:15:28,306 --> 00:15:31,038
experienced it quite a bit in the

368
00:15:31,038 --> 00:15:32,566
aftermath of what I went through at Echo

369
00:15:32,566 --> 00:15:34,262
church here in the Bay area It's basically

370
00:15:34,262 --> 00:15:35,926
a tactic that is used to unify not around

371
00:15:35,926 --> 00:15:38,006
the victim but to unify around the abuser

372
00:15:38,006 --> 00:15:39,500
It's really intended to silence the

373
00:15:39,500 --> 00:15:46,042
whistleblowers to be honest.But it has a

374
00:15:46,042 --> 00:15:49,594
very culty type vibe where the unification

375
00:15:49,594 --> 00:15:52,174
is higher than truth and transparency or

376
00:15:52,174 --> 00:15:54,122
justice or accountability or even

377
00:15:54,122 --> 00:15:55,966
centering the victims at all They're

378
00:15:55,966 --> 00:15:58,938
really the center still once again is the

379
00:15:58,938 --> 00:16:02,218
predator pastor himself and not the

380
00:16:02,218 --> 00:16:06,618
victims and their or that they need

381
00:16:06,618 --> 00:16:07,794
centering the aftermath of their lives

382
00:16:07,794 --> 00:16:09,854
being completely blown up And the next one

383
00:16:09,854 --> 00:16:11,746
is I'll hear and lot around spiritual

384
00:16:11,746 --> 00:16:13,906
warfare or God wants to do big things and

385
00:16:13,906 --> 00:16:17,606
it needs to start with us And so once

386
00:16:17,606 --> 00:16:19,478
again really putting the ball in your

387
00:16:19,478 --> 00:16:23,014
court to do something to protect the preda

388
00:16:23,014 --> 00:16:26,614
pastor to be a part of what sort of feels

389
00:16:26,614 --> 00:16:31,206
like drawing again, line putting the sand

390
00:16:31,206 --> 00:16:34,294
Like there's two camps.You're either for

391
00:16:34,294 --> 00:16:38,054
us or you're against us You're in or

392
00:16:38,054 --> 00:16:40,478
you're out You're either on the side of

393
00:16:40,478 --> 00:16:41,498
evil spiritual warfare or you're on

394
00:16:41,498 --> 00:16:43,018
there's side of the good The pastor who

395
00:16:43,018 --> 00:16:44,906
poor thing he's had all these people out.

396
00:16:44,906 --> 00:16:47,178
to get him and he's being accused and

397
00:16:47,178 --> 00:16:48,702
God's already forgiving him So be on the

398
00:16:48,702 --> 00:16:51,038
side of all the good things that are

399
00:16:51,038 --> 00:16:52,138
happening or be on the other side.So it

400
00:16:52,138 --> 00:16:53,902
makes you feel like you've done something

401
00:16:53,902 --> 00:16:56,046
wrong by trying to speak the truth out

402
00:16:56,046 --> 00:16:57,778
loud by saying what the crimes were by

403
00:16:57,778 --> 00:16:59,474
even talking to other people to find out

404
00:16:59,474 --> 00:17:02,050
are we safe in this faith community Are

405
00:17:02,050 --> 00:17:04,002
the children safe Is the staff safe

406
00:17:04,002 --> 00:17:05,714
Whoever the victim survivors were, are

407
00:17:05,714 --> 00:17:09,046
there more coming out Are there more that

408
00:17:09,046 --> 00:17:10,194
are vulnerable Those conversations get

409
00:17:10,194 --> 00:17:12,166
really shut down by someone saying God

410
00:17:12,166 --> 00:17:16,454
wants to do big things and needs to start

411
00:17:16,454 --> 00:17:18,166
with us or their spiritual warfare These

412
00:17:18,166 --> 00:17:20,938
kind of tactics work unfortunately really

413
00:17:20,938 --> 00:17:24,714
well to use fear a power by fear to imply

414
00:17:24,714 --> 00:17:26,634
that you are on the wrong side if you

415
00:17:26,634 --> 00:17:29,942
speak out and often I'll hear people say

416
00:17:29,942 --> 00:17:32,954
if you speak against the church a their

417
00:17:32,954 --> 00:17:34,334
really meaning is speaking against the

418
00:17:34,334 --> 00:17:36,382
pastor the Preda pastor in this case But

419
00:17:36,382 --> 00:17:39,166
the church is often not interpreted to be

420
00:17:39,166 --> 00:17:41,694
the victim survivors And that's just a

421
00:17:41,694 --> 00:17:43,466
very unfortunate thing because it's not

422
00:17:43,466 --> 00:17:46,354
only the untrue it really just shows that

423
00:17:46,354 --> 00:17:48,754
really the pastor has centered himself as

424
00:17:48,754 --> 00:17:51,314
the church as if that's him and the

425
00:17:51,314 --> 00:17:53,026
institution needs him to sustain itself

426
00:17:53,026 --> 00:17:56,526
The next one is we have to change this way

427
00:17:56,526 --> 00:17:59,126
of thinking that is judgmental.And I think

428
00:17:59,126 --> 00:18:01,814
that's really intended to just say you

429
00:18:01,814 --> 00:18:04,662
needs to get sustain line and don't talk

430
00:18:04,662 --> 00:18:06,006
about Bruno If you've seen that movie

431
00:18:06,006 --> 00:18:07,846
whether it's that family that's

432
00:18:07,846 --> 00:18:09,046
dysfunctional doesn't want to talk about

433
00:18:09,046 --> 00:18:09,846
the family member everybody's supposed to

434
00:18:09,846 --> 00:18:13,206
not mention or it's a church in a system

435
00:18:13,206 --> 00:18:16,406
where everybody doesn't want to talk a the

436
00:18:16,406 --> 00:18:17,706
situation that just silence the narrative

437
00:18:17,706 --> 00:18:20,106
so we can control the narrative and use a

438
00:18:20,106 --> 00:18:22,086
lot of a management to a it look like

439
00:18:22,086 --> 00:18:26,506
things are going to be fine And then the

440
00:18:26,506 --> 00:18:28,506
last one but certainly not the least and

441
00:18:28,506 --> 00:18:29,246
narrative very impactful a often

442
00:18:29,246 --> 00:18:31,438
devastating thing to hear is we are no one

443
00:18:31,438 --> 00:18:35,706
The only one who can judge is God And this

444
00:18:35,706 --> 00:18:37,314
know really I would categorize as worm

445
00:18:37,314 --> 00:18:40,066
theology.If you're not familiar with that

446
00:18:40,066 --> 00:18:42,226
just type that into twitter or somewhere

447
00:18:42,226 --> 00:18:43,730
Just google that Worm theology is really

448
00:18:43,730 --> 00:18:45,346
just I really believe really, baseless

449
00:18:45,346 --> 00:18:47,686
theology that makes human image bearers of

450
00:18:47,686 --> 00:18:50,226
God All of us see ourselves as just

451
00:18:50,226 --> 00:18:52,850
complete dirt Complete like a wretch right

452
00:18:52,850 --> 00:18:56,774
If you remember that song just as I am is

453
00:18:56,774 --> 00:18:59,286
that it Who saved bearers wretch like me

454
00:18:59,286 --> 00:19:02,934
Just completely worthless That is not I

455
00:19:02,934 --> 00:19:05,674
think an accurate a of what we are reading

456
00:19:05,674 --> 00:19:07,738
in the scriptures It's basically used in

457
00:19:07,738 --> 00:19:08,646
religious environments to control people

458
00:19:08,646 --> 00:19:13,166
to make them feel small and

459
00:19:13,166 --> 00:19:15,054
insignificant.And it allows

460
00:19:15,054 --> 00:19:16,974
authoritarianism to really thrive And so

461
00:19:16,974 --> 00:19:20,800
in this environment I would say there was

462
00:19:20,800 --> 00:19:24,030
basically bit of authoritarianism that was

463
00:19:24,030 --> 00:19:26,814
a part of the grooming process that kept

464
00:19:26,814 --> 00:19:30,274
people down So this man is more elevated

465
00:19:30,274 --> 00:19:31,906
this predopastor is more elevated and can

466
00:19:31,906 --> 00:19:34,818
then have free rein to prey upon and abuse

467
00:19:34,818 --> 00:19:37,540
a many as the wanted So unfortunately I

468
00:19:37,540 --> 00:19:40,622
heard all these this week from a

469
00:19:40,622 --> 00:19:42,534
congregant whose predopastor had 35 counts

470
00:19:42,534 --> 00:19:45,106
of assault And it's heavy.It's a lot to

471
00:19:45,106 --> 00:19:47,254
take in And if you're in a faith

472
00:19:47,254 --> 00:19:48,966
environment right now listening to this

473
00:19:48,966 --> 00:19:50,794
where things seem not right things seem

474
00:19:50,794 --> 00:19:55,818
like there's a lot of red flags You're not

475
00:19:55,818 --> 00:19:57,898
sure how to process it Maybe a pastor has

476
00:19:57,898 --> 00:20:00,170
been accused of abuse or even arrested for

477
00:20:00,170 --> 00:20:03,050
crimes and you're hearing these narratives

478
00:20:03,050 --> 00:20:05,486
I just want to say I'm sad with you that

479
00:20:05,486 --> 00:20:07,822
that's happening and I hope you get pastor

480
00:20:07,822 --> 00:20:11,146
has place of safety.I hope you get to a

481
00:20:11,146 --> 00:20:14,126
place where your voice matters And I hope

482
00:20:14,126 --> 00:20:17,934
you can find the freedom and the love

483
00:20:17,934 --> 00:20:19,506
that's you deserve to thrive with your

484
00:20:19,506 --> 00:20:21,058
spirituality in place place where it's

485
00:20:21,058 --> 00:20:23,506
safe to be you a to speak the truth out

486
00:20:23,506 --> 00:20:26,626
loud And if you want to reach out over

487
00:20:26,626 --> 00:20:28,846
Twitter around this thread feel free to

488
00:20:28,846 --> 00:20:30,898
chime in I've really enjoyed kind of

489
00:20:30,898 --> 00:20:32,614
processing with some of you these things

490
00:20:32,614 --> 00:20:34,518
and hearing your perspective and hearing

491
00:20:34,518 --> 00:20:36,390
your narratives I think there is a really

492
00:20:36,390 --> 00:20:37,766
beautiful community thread, sacred

493
00:20:37,766 --> 00:20:39,946
community of people who have survived this

494
00:20:39,946 --> 00:20:42,394
type of abuse either by watching this

495
00:20:42,394 --> 00:20:44,182
unfold things your community or

496
00:20:44,182 --> 00:20:46,746
experiencing it firsthand your yeah this

497
00:20:46,746 --> 00:20:49,482
conversation I just a to offer community,

498
00:20:49,482 --> 00:20:52,206
to you today because it's a heavy one and

499
00:20:52,206 --> 00:20:54,666
I know it's resonating with watching lot

500
00:20:54,666 --> 00:20:58,430
of you So feel free to reach out Once

501
00:20:58,430 --> 00:21:00,206
again join in our difference maker

502
00:21:00,206 --> 00:21:02,666
community on Patreon You can go today ww

503
00:21:02,666 --> 00:21:03,486
patreon.com a heavy world of difference

504
00:21:03,486 --> 00:21:04,914
and join today where we go deeper with

505
00:21:04,914 --> 00:21:06,994
Lance and his conversation last week

506
00:21:06,994 --> 00:21:09,026
You'll also find deeper episodes with all

507
00:21:09,026 --> 00:21:11,630
of the interviews I've done with different

508
00:21:11,630 --> 00:21:13,746
guests there including Dr.Scott McKnight

509
00:21:13,746 --> 00:21:15,346
Laura Behringer Dr Wade Mullen different

510
00:21:15,346 --> 00:21:17,542
ones that we've had on there that have

511
00:21:17,542 --> 00:21:20,306
discussed some of these particular things

512
00:21:20,306 --> 00:21:21,426
and are making a difference interviews

513
00:21:21,426 --> 00:21:23,094
their own faith communities by writing and

514
00:21:23,094 --> 00:21:26,434
researching and speaking the truth out

515
00:21:26,434 --> 00:21:27,798
loud and helping people walk through this

516
00:21:27,798 --> 00:21:30,134
And once again if this has brought up some

517
00:21:30,134 --> 00:21:32,374
things for you that you feel like you need

518
00:21:32,374 --> 00:21:34,234
to talk to a professional Betterhelp is

519
00:21:34,234 --> 00:21:36,234
the sponsor of this podcast so if you go

520
00:21:36,234 --> 00:21:38,794
to www.betterhelp.com difference you'll

521
00:21:38,794 --> 00:21:40,234
get 10 off your first month of therapy and

522
00:21:40,234 --> 00:21:41,226
it's really made a difference in my life

523
00:21:41,226 --> 00:21:44,126
So I highly recommend it to you And last

524
00:21:44,126 --> 00:21:49,806
but not least I would just say take a deep

525
00:21:49,806 --> 00:21:51,818
breath look around the room and notice

526
00:21:51,818 --> 00:21:52,942
five things that you see.Use some

527
00:21:52,942 --> 00:21:54,106
grounding techniques that will help you

528
00:21:54,106 --> 00:21:56,574
sort of process This is heavy It's hard to

529
00:21:56,574 --> 00:21:57,626
hold the terrible and look for the

530
00:21:57,626 --> 00:22:00,414
beautiful but we can hold them both And

531
00:22:00,414 --> 00:22:03,518
thank you for who you are and keep making

532
00:22:03,518 --> 00:22:04,510
that difference wherever you are Bye

533
00:22:04,510 --> 00:22:05,858
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534
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535
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536
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538
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